my paper bag...

Lovin Tyler...

2006-04-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, get this crap! In Smith County, the fine for failure to control speed- $179..Driving while consuming alcoholic beverage.....$172......Minor in Possession- $154.....No proof of liability insurance- $302. Anyone see a ridiculous problem here. Don't lose track of that tiny little paper. That could kill someone. But don't worry 16 yr. olds, pop open your Budweisers and enjoy. It won't matter.

Way to go City Council.

Engagement

2006-04-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

Congratulations, Amber! I love you very much!

Over again....

2006-04-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

That was a little much I think.....just a rant I guess. Sorry guys!

My Pontiac G6

2006-04-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

I'm back

2006-03-27T19:25:00.000-08:00

I feel a lot better now. Stress level has declined a little and the future is looking bright again. Yah!

I want out.....

2006-03-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 24 and find line 5:

And the Band Played On: Politics ,People and the Aids Epidemic "With his trim body and handsome swarthy features, he was what they wanted."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find? a fan next to my bed

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? A small part of Harry Potter and the Scorceror's Stone, I was flipping channels.

4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? the fan, lucy barking in the backyard.

5. When did you last step outside? This morning on my way home from work.

6. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Cody's Blog.

7. What are you wearing?pj capris and a tank top

8. Did you dream last night? yeah, but i can't remember it.

9. When did you last laugh?Last night at some of the nurses.

10. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A big framed pic of Pebble Beach Golf Course. it's Donnie's

11. Seen anything weird lately? 25 cop cars speeding past me in the middle of the night...literally 25 of them. High Speed chase after a cop got shot.

12. What do you think of this quiz? eh...

13. What is the last film you saw? I can't even remember....that's strange.

14. If you turned a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?A car and rent an apartment.

15. Tell me something about you that I don't know. I'm the biggest girl Donnie has ever dated (source: Donnie) I need to drop 20 lbs before putting on a bathing suit (source: a jackass) and I think I'm developing an eating disorder....

16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do? the cost of being a student. not just tuition but everything.

17. Do you like to Dance? love it! when I get to.

18. George Bush.I told you so. ...huh?

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? i would call her "baby girl" her name would be Madison.

20. Imagine your boyfriend is making sweet love to his Xbox 360, what would you do? stare in amazement. then say "what the fuck?"

21. Would you ever consider living abroad? consider, sure...do it, doubt it.

22. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?Welcome, Come on in!

23. 4 people who must also do this meme in their blog.I hate tagging other bloggers, but here goes: cody's is the only blog i read.

Money for nothing....

2006-03-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

I love my new job. It's amazing, I never knew I could get paid more for doing 1,000 x less. I studied for about 5 hours last night....on and off in between talking and drinking coffee. Everyone is so nice and I literally do 1/10 of the work I did at the hospital. I thought it would be hard to deal with death everynight but it really isn't. These people have been suffering and are ready for it to end. The family is prepared and the hospice is such a beautiful place to be. The quiet room is my favorite. There is a big fish tank, one of the fish looks exactly like Nemo and another looks exactly like Dory. Then there is the little theater, the soda shoppe, the playroom with playstation, the chapel and the gorgeous gazebos outside. It's a really nice place to be, a million times better than a hospital would be. Anything goes...pets, 100 visitors, it doesn't matter. Anything the patient wants. Anyway, enough of that.
SO much going on, I was really stressed out on Friday but I'm feeling better today. Classes are crazy! My work schedule is a little much, and this car thing is killing me. I'm absolutely broke! I get my first full check on Friday so that will be a blessing. On Thursday we are leaving for Springdale/Rogers so that is going to be fun. I'm still trying to come up with a time to see Cody. I was going to meet him this Sunday but now I can't, so I have to come up with some other time and time is running out. I'm going to nap before work. And people, please comment. AMBER!
Take care.

Pictures....

2006-03-15T21:27:00.001-08:00

This is me on my very first plane ride! Dallas (86 degrees) to Denver (12 degrees)

Bunny slopes....before the bruises and muscle aches.

Jill (donnie's sister-in-law) me and Donnie on the gondola, a very nie break from the cold of the lifts.

I have no idea where that pic was taken, but it must have been at the top since my left foot isn't buckled in.

random gorgeous view! still does not even give justice to the moutains! I will try to take some time to write more about the trip, it's been a crazy week at work!

What's the countdown?

Detox

2006-03-06T21:30:00.000-08:00

Eventhough there are truly a thousand things I should be doing, here I am just laying in bed with sweet Lucy by my side....xanga hopping. A friend of a friend of a random girl's friend and so on and so forth and I come to one girl from Henderson. I don't know her well and since she was mentioned by a close friend the other day I read a little. Her title is "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end." A once popular song so I'm sure everyone has heard that at 100 times in their life. And even if they haven't it's really a pretty obvious, simple concept. Every time I've ever really heard it, it has seemed like a semi positive thing, just something that has a positive vibe, a positive "ring" to it. Right?
Not today for some reason. The more I think about it the sadder it makes me to think of it. I get stuck on "some other beginnings end." It is so incredibly sad when things end. Everything does end of course so you would reason that we would just get used to the feeling. I don't know about other people but I don't get used to that. I think I am geneticlly prone in some way to cling to a thought, an idea, a person, an event, a memory...whatever it may be I'm hanging on like there is no tomorrow. Looking back numerous wonderful things in my life have come from changes but it doesn't stop me from hating the change anyway.
It's hard, it's scary, it's..... uncertain. Maybe that is what I hate so much about it. The uncertainty. So many things we enjoy and love just end. They stop happening, stop existing to us. And we are just supposed to turn our heads to it.....and so many times we do with no problem but sometimes, something ends and it is so hard to give into the fact that it's over.
Eh, I'm rambling...it's the insomnia.
I'm addicted to my energy pills. Not really yet, but I can see it happening in the future. It just helps get me through the days, the studying, the classes, and soon to come, a nighttime work schedule. If you combine all the hours I studied in high school and the first two years of college, it would probably not even equal half of the time I spent studying for one MicroBiology test. Not to mention my Microbiology lab test and my Anatomy and Physiology test and my A&P lab midterm. Oh yeah, and Nutrition and History. I wish UT was as easy as Henderson. But, I am learning a lot and it feels really good to be doing so much better than the average. That may sound mean but it is a good feeling...to work your ass off and come out on top. About half of my Micro class dropped this week. I'm so glad I'm not one of them. But anyway, back to my point. To continue studying that much I need the pills. I got some more tonight so I can have some in Colorado. I'm going to cut back to QOD. That will help me to not truly get addicted.
I need to look over some History assignments for a quiz tomorrow, so I'm done here. This will be my last post until after Colorado. I will try to have some pics up of me in some snow.
Take care.

Kick Ass....

2006-03-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

91 on Anatomy test and 81 on Micro...the second doesn't sound good but it's actually awesome. The class average was a 64. Two down and two to go.

I start my new job on Friday!
Then Saturday is the one year anniversary.
Monday- AP Lab midterm
Tuesday- Nutrition
Wednesday- COLORADO!

They called and offered me the job on Tuesday. They are giving me a dollar more than I was making at the hospital, including shift diff, which is on weekends too. 4 nights a week. I'm pretty excited about it. But especially Colorado right now.

Just an update, back to studying.

dominoes...

2006-02-27T13:24:00.001-08:00

I finally got my Microiology test over with. It was really tough, I hope I did well. I studied all weekend, literally. I didn't even leave the house from Friday around 4 until Sunday afternoon around 4. i also babysat y nephew on Saturday and tried to study at the same time, not so easy. I have huge respect for people trying to go to school when they have a 4 month old. Tough stuff. I was really disapointed in the test, eventhought I knew the info extensively there was still some very tricky questions, and if that weren't bad enough, half of what I studied wasn't even mentioned on the test. He could have let us know not to waste our time on things not on the test.
Well, now that it is over, I have to get ready for my Anatomy test tomorrow. It shouldn't be too bad, but I really haven't even gotten started. It's over tissues and the integumentary system. The tissues are what is tricky. When that's over I have a big lab quiz to get ready for. It's over bones...a million of them. Then after Wednesday I will have until Monday to get ready for a History countries quiz (easy), Nutrition midterm (really damn hard) and Anatomy Lab midterm (damn hard).
BUT.....when it's all over I will be sitting on a plane headed to the snowy Colorado slopes!!! I am so very excited. One week from this Wednesday. Another exciting thing is that Donnie and I have our 1-year Aniversary on Saturday. I can not believe it has been an entire year. It doesn't really feel like it...at all. I have no clue what I'm going to get him. Well, I have a few ideas but nothing really great. I need to come up with something quick.
Take care,

16 days, Cody!

MARDI GRAS

2006-02-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

AWESOME time! I would rank it up there on my top 3 greatest times I've ever had. It was freezing cold and that sucked a little but once the Malibu really started flowing I didn't care anymore. Got a ton of beads, and cups, and a nice little pair of purple panties..haha. Afterwards, a group of us went to some downtown bar kind of place where there were pool tables and a band. Played some pool, hung out, and danced to the music. I was so damn drunk but I remember it and it was a great time. Then we left there and headed for the Rockin' Rodeo. Downstairs it was country music so we went upstairs to the rap room and danced like crazy. I can't wait to do it again. Made some friends, hung out and just danced. There was one real cool guy there from San Antonio so I think a few of us are going to head down in about a month. I love San Antonio so I'm looking forward to it. Until then I'm just trying to get through all of these tests and look forward to Colorado. I hope it's as much fun as Mardi Gras.
Until next time, take care.

0049

2006-02-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

Lots of stuff going on.... I have at least one test a week until the third week in April, sometimes 2 or 3 a week. And for some reason, I still can't make myself study. It's the 56" sitting in front of me when Donnie's at work. But since restarting my Lexapro my mood has certainly brightened and we leave in less than a month for Colorado! I'm excited to fly for the first time, see the mountains for the first time, and snowboard for the first time. Also, I am havng to get a new car. Ashley needs hers back so I have to get another one. I hope I'm able to get a nice one. I really like my Altima so it may be tough to find one that I like as much, but I do need a cheaper payment. Mardi Gras in Shreveport is this weekend and Donnie and I are going to stay with Steir and his fiance (which is Donnie's ex) so we will see what comes from that. I will have to see if I can scrape together some money for a trip to the boats. That should make the weekend well worth it. That's it for now....Take care.

Super Bowl Sunday!!!

2006-02-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

Alright, it's finally Sunday. I love the Super Bowl. I'm going for the SeaHawks. In choosing my team, I am a typical girl. I check out the uniforms, the MVP player and the QB's. The most important thing to me is the underdog. Everyone seems to be pulling for the Steelers and saying they are going to kick ass so I'm going for the SeaHawks. It makes for a much more exciting game. The SeaHawks also have much better uniforms.
I have a Nutrition test on Tuesday so I need to be studyng but I just don't want to. I am sitting here watching the news right now. Donnie, Jeremy, and Steir left about an hour ago to play golf. I wish I could have gone but I don't want to intrude on them. They never hang out anymore so it's cool that Steir came up for the day. When they get home we are going to Jeremy and Charlotte's for the game.
The Ski trip is one month away and I'm getting really excited. Then that next week is my Spring Break so I will technically get two weeks off of school. The only downfall is that I have to take my midterms early. But I've cleared it through my instructors and they are cool with it.
Micah is leaving for Washington, DC tomorrow. It's kind of sad, it wsa fun to hang out with him and Kelsey. He is flying her up for Spring Break so that will be good. I hope they make it. Three months is a long time. But both of them work a lot so it will fly for them I hope. I'm rooting for them the whole way. They are both great and seem so great together.
I think I'm done rambling. I hope everyone has a great SuperBowl Sunday! Take care...

New pictures...

2006-02-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

I just uploaded these from my camera so I thought I would share. They are from a trip to N. Arkansas. We went to Missouri and then back to Fayetteville through Eureka Springs. I had gone to the Christ of the Ozarks as a very young child so I finally got to go back. It was beautiful.

My drug....

2006-02-04T03:04:00.000-08:00

I took a pill today. It's a diet pill, it really just gives you energy. I felt so great. I took it around 3 in the afternoon. It is now 5 the next morning and I'm wide awake. Donnie is asleep and i can't lay in bed with him. It would drive me crazy.....to just lay there. Today was so great. I was in a great mood, I had all the energy I have needed for so long to get things done. I am anemic again, I can feel it. So the energy pill just made me normal. I cleaned the whole house and Donnie and I went grocery shopping finally, we needed to a long time ago. Micah and Kelsey came over tonight and we all had a good time. Micah is leaving on Monday. He is a travel nurse so he only stays in one place for 3 months and then moves on. He is leaving for Washington,DC. I think he is going to come back here and probably sign a contract with Mothers. Donnie and I hooked him and Kelsey up and they really hit it off....very well. Which is so great. They are a good couple.
Kelsey and I had a great conversation which I have really needed. I have really missed her. It's great to have her back.
I have so much I want to say....but I can't.

Update

2006-02-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

Wow...so much to say since I posted last. Kelsey and I kinda hung out last night. We met up at the hospital to take Donnie and Micah dinner and when we left around 1:30am I followed her to her apartment for some stuff and we talked for a few hours. I finally got into bed aorund 4:30 this morning and eventhough it as kind of hard to get to my 8am class, I did it. I sat through Nutrition and History so I am pretty proud of myself. However, I slept through A&P lecture today. I'll read the chapter so I should be fine. It's super interesting so it's not hard to do.
In other news, I'm on a mission to lose my extra winter pounds before bathing suit time. I'm going to start exercising tomorrow (Lucy chewed my shoelaces in half so I have to go get new ones) In the meantime, I have been watching what I eat. Which isn't hard to do when I start to get a little stressed.
I have a lot to do so I'm done here. I will try to update a little more often.
*Ski trip is getting really close!*

A New Year

2006-01-16T00:41:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it's been a month since I posted anything, I am usually pretty avid about it. Anyway, I ended up failing History and I was pissed b/c all of my grades were passing, he failed me b/c my signature wasn't on the attendence as much as he wanted. I say who cares if I'm there, as long as I know the material, isn't that why I paid $2000 last semester? To learn, not really to sit in a room struggling to stay awake after working the night shift. Eh, I'm over it. A new year a new semester a new me. We just started back up this past week. It went well, except I had to pay $500 to TJC for one class. It isn't offered in the Spring by UT so I am taking it through TJC. In Micro I got to grow bacteria. Sounds dumb but to me it's so cool. I have bacteria colonies in lab waiting on me to examine. I'm excited.
Donnie just booked plane tickets and a condo in Colorado for a ski trip in March. It will be my first time flying so I'm looking forward to it. And I will get to snowboard for the firt time which is something I always wanted to try!
Oh and one cool thing that's happened is that one of my best friends in high school and I are back in touch. Kelsey and Casey and I have gotten to hang out a few times the past few weeks so it's really great to be back in touch with Kelsey again and to have someone to hang out with here in Tyler.
I'm looking forward to school really getting going b/c my classes are really interesting. One thing about more time going by is that everyday I get closer and closer to having to make the decision that I'm dreading. It would be so exciting but it's a big step and I'm so scared.
take care

In bed...

2005-12-17T19:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas with mom's side of the family is over. What are the odds of getting a purse identical to one that you got last year that you stuck n the back of your closet and hoped to never see again? Well, it hapened to me. But it was given with good intentions so I'm grateful...hey I may even use it! My cousin got me some great picture frames (they are so cute) and mu aunt got me pj's. It was total chaos in the house today. Kids everywhere, three dogs and a cat. Two of the dogs have discovered they can dig their way out of the backyard fence so mom and I went to get them and when I was picking up Lucy my back screwed up again. Except way worse this time. I can't move without almost crying. They think I have a ulging disk so I am going to go to a chiropractor....untill then I'm pretty much useless. I am scared to think of how this could affect my travel plans.....While at home I got a great gift from Cody in the mail. It's the Her Kiss poster in a really really really nice frame. It's awesome!
I kicked ass on all of my finals except one which I totally bombed...History. I never went so eh but it was also one of those classes where the professor expects everyone to treat History like your major. I hate it when they don't realize i'm only there b/c I'm forced to be. I don't actually care to analyze history for the one millionith time. You take 12 years of the crap before you even get to college. A lot of the students who did try really hard in the class also had an extrememly hard time, he is one who tests on the general idea of what he is teaching instead of asking straight forward questions. So I don't feel so bad.
I'm still proud of myself for how well I did on the others. 100 in critical thinking, A in Chemistry and I missed one in TX Poliics! I don't know about Chem lab but I don't think it matters.
Well, I only got 30 min of really uncomfrotable sleep last night and I am confined to the bed for now anyway so I'm out!

About damn time.....

2005-12-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

There has never been a better cause for celebration as there is today! NO MORE CHEMISTRY! I never have to see O'Keefe's ugly bald head or hear the belittling tone of his voice insulting students ever again!! EVER! So to celebrate, I'm going to Shreveport...what else am I supposed to use my book money on? And even if I lose it all....I will not go back to class with O'Keeffe....and that makes it all worth it somehow.

Snow...please!

2005-12-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I have shared this on blogger yet but Vienna Boy's Choir singing Pachebel's Cannon in D is the most beautiful thing I have ever in my life heard. I believe Karen introduced me to this....Karen, I thank you. No lie, it will be played at my wedding. I don't know what they are saying and I don't care. It's beautiful.
I'm in the student center for the first time in months. It's nice here. I should have com ehere more often. There is always next semester.
Anyway, I have a Chem test in 30 minutes, that's why i'm here. I usually go home between classes but I had to come here and get a scantron for the test and since I got a good parking spot I just stayed here. Plus, Cody is online so I'm getting to talk to him. i've been up all night, just like all the other nights this week, but I'm ready for the test so that's good.
Well, I'm going to get some coffee. Wish me luck on the test. And with the hell I'm about to raise in this class. I'm going to get into with the dumbass professor.
later.

Let it Snow....

2005-12-08T02:46:00.000-08:00

It's really cold outside...I wish it would snow, but so far only sleet. Snow always reminds me of Valentine's Day. It's a great memory.

Here's to good memories...

Her Kiss

2005-12-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

2:33am and I'm still wide awake. I can't get my brain to shut off and these infomercials on tv are killing me. I have a unisom but now its too late to take it. I have a Chem lab test at 800am that I obviously can't afford to miss.
I'm listening to Blessed Union of Souls- a have a few of their songs on my laptop but I haven't listened to them in a long time. My favorite is Hold Her Closer, it's such a pretty song. I'm not sad about anything and I could still cry listening to it. That photograph somehow suits my mood at this moment. It's beautiful. I wish I still had that for my wall.
I'm very proud of myself right now. I have made it through the fall without my Lexapro. It's supposed to be seasonal depression and I guess it just feels good to know I can deal with it myself...without the medicine. Kind of proves to myself I'm not crazy...I hope I didn't just jinx myself.
I don't like Tyler anymore, it's a cool place to call home I guess but I want something more, something new. I'm not satisfied. It's just this unexplainable longing for something. I am having a hard time figuring out exactly what that something is...maybe it's the picture.
I want people to know how much I care about them, I wish there was something I could say or something I could do to communicate it. eh, I think I'm just in a sappy mood right now. It's the music. I'm on Boyz II Men now. Four Seasons. It reminds me a lot of high school...a lot.
AH...I hate not being able to sleep. I wish there was someone to talk to at 2 in the morning, this computer isn't doing the trick right now.

Something has to give....

2005-12-05T01:20:00.000-08:00

Why does my brain insist on battling the darkness? It is such a peaceful, restful time. But not for Meagan's body. Thankfully the Vienna Boys Choir is keeping me company.
Ever since I found out that I probably won't be starting the Nursing Program until Next Spring. That's right, Spring 2007, (i was devaststed) I have been trying to find something small to do in the mean time. I may take an EKG course and be a tech or something like that. I wish I could do sonography but I can't do that and go to UT Tyler at the same time. I will go ahead and apply for the program for the fall but since I will have some classes I will be taking at the time of applying I won't have a final grade to put so I will lack several points. It's already a very competitive program (90 out of 300 are chosen) I doubt I will get in missing those points, but it's worth a try.
I can't believe it 400 and I'm still awake. Classes will kick my butt tomorrow.
Amber mentioned once that if she gets her masters then UT Tyler is the nearest university offering the program she is wanting. I want her to be so bad. I miss her so much. I hate that she is so far away. It would be cool to have a roomate, well it would be cool to have Amber as a roomate anyway. Eventhough, I am bored out of my mind right now, I have nothing else to say.

2005-12-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

I just got out of class and went to see Donnie at the hosital. And...on my way there I was talking to Amber while she was at work and we were both just venting about different crap...her about Paul and me about everything! Anyway, somewhere in there I said "People think its crazy, I'm sure, but I still lay awake sometimes in bed and think about all of that that hapened last year, all of those people I thought were my friends and those people that just have to tell lies for no reason and hurt people. Sometimes I still lay awake and think 'what if I had done this differently, or if this person hadn't done that, what would it be like" It bothers me that those people that hurt me so badly are so happy, their lives are just going on the way the want them to be and mine has completely changed. I lost all of my friends but two and moved to a different school. I go to class everyday and don't know really anybody. I don't pass people on the way to class and say hi and talk about what each other did that weekend or ask if they want to run to lunch with me after I get out of class. It seems so small but its somehting that you miss so much. I would give anything to go back. I wouldn't want to be in Kpsi or be still dating Adam but I want that life back.
Anyway, off of that. I go see Donnie and then come to the house, check my email, facebook and typical computer stuff, then I went to someone's Xanga that I read every now and then when I'm bored and I read this.
"I wish everyone could just let things go. I wish everyone could know the peace and comfort that I know by just putting my trust in God."
And I don't even know what to say really. People have a hard time letting go to things that hurt them. That change their lives. And I know this person and their general background so I think I could say that unlike this person, some people (and I'm not really tlaking about myself here but I know people and I see them and talk to them all the time) have had really hard lives and may have a very difficult time believeing that everything would be great if they would just put all of their trust in God. I can say that I have every bit of faith and trust in God. But bad things still happen....obviously. So it seems harsh to say to these people " I wish you would just get over it"
And this is very very possibly that this is not really what this person was trying to say but to some people it can easily come across this way.

I was probably just in a bad mood to begin with so this entire entry should probably just be disregarded.

Selflessness...

2005-11-23T21:18:00.000-08:00

My mood is odd tonight. It's calm, relaxed, and there is a hint of happy sadness. I'm perfectly content right now listening to really sad songs and remembering sad memories. It's making me smile.
I went to Arkadelphia to see Amber. We all went to Outback, bowling and then walked aorund downtown. Then today Amber and I went to Hot Springs by ourselves and it was so nice. Amber is a wonderful friend and an amazing person. I love her.
And now, after a quiet and long ride home, I am just out of the bath tub and into my new Victoria's Secret pj's and robe with my really cute new slippers to match! I'm so comfortable and I have sad songs playing. Still coughing like crazy...but regardless it's a great time to be alone.
I feel like I'm stuck in an odd place. Smothered but alone. Happy but sad. Forgiving but angry.
Something is banging underneath or outside of the house. I'm calling Donnie!

Here and gone.....

2005-11-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

John Taylor was born on Nov.16 at 3:22 pm, as was I. I was there the whole time. I saw everything and eventhough I really thought that would make me want children less, it makes me want a baby even more. She had a good labor,eventhough she went for a few hours through natural labor because her first epidural slipped out and stopped working just in time for the really strong contractions to kick in. But it was amazing to be there the entire time. And he's the perfect little boy. Absolutely beautiful. 8lbs.7oz. and 20inches long.

After the hospital, Donnie, Jeremy, Charolette and I went to Outback where I scared the crap out of the waiter. We had a good time. Woke up the next morning around 11 and went up to the hospital to visit for a little bit and met mom. We left from the hospital for Shreveport. We got into town and went straight to the Boardwalk, shopped and took pictures.

Stier got off work around 5:30 and met us at the hotel. Which is behind in the picture up there. We ate at Ralph and Kakoo's. Then we went to the casino,which was completely not what I expected. It was pretty small and there were scary creepy old guys staring at me. But once I got used to it, it was so much fun!! Stier taught me Craps and it was a blast!!! We played there for an hour or so then we cashed out and Donnie and I played blackjack. I was up about $200 and Donnie had almost lost so I set aside what I came with and kept playing. Fun people sat down around us and we had a cool dealer so that was a lot of fun. Once we cashed out there we went back to the Craps table where I won about $180. We had so much fun! I was about to cash out while I was ahead but Donnie and I decided that we were there to have fun and as long as we came out with something we were fine so we played until 4:30am. The time went by so fast!

The hotel was awesome, there was a beautiful view!, the casino was so much fun and I have a new nephew. So all together I would say I had a wonderful birthday!

56 minutes...

2005-11-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

it will be mine and my future nephew's birthday...unless Ashley is in labor for more that 19 hours which for her sake I pray she won't be. Three weeks ago, the baby was ready to go, just waiting for contractions. No one thought he would make it to my birthday but he did. He's already my favorite (sorry Brady. you're cute and all but you didn't hold out until November) It's just cool that sharing birthdays run in the family and another shared one is being added. I need to be getting some sleep, I am meeting Ashley at the hospital at 5:00 so they can start inducing. I've been up writing my chemistry paper and listening to the wind. It's getting cold and I that makes me so happy I could cry....well the weather and other things combined could make me cry. But the weather does make me happy.
I'm excited about tomorrow night, just finally being able to order a drink and not have the fear of being carded...not that I ever feared it, it's just exciting anyway. I'm more excited about Taylor being born. Then on Thursday is Shreveport, they have a cool new Boardwalk in Bossier with awesome shops and places to eat and it's on the river. I wish Amber and Casey could come. Amber has to work and I told Casey not to worry b/c then she owuld be the only one under 21 and I didn't want to leave her alone when we go into the casinos. It will be fun anyway. Plus, there is a present in the living room waiting for me to open it but I promised I wouldn't until then. I was thinking of going to Arkadelphia this weekend so Amber and I could do something but I don't htink I'm going to. Arkadlephia just sucks and it sucks being there.
Today Casey and I went and had manicures and pedicures done...I wasn't too comfortable with the thought of having someone touch my feet but i felt so good. The foot massage and the massaging chair you sit in. We had fun, it was nice hanging out with her. Christian went with us and he is such a sweet baby. Doesn't even fuss.
Well I'm heading to bed. I will try to update.

Happy Birthday to me.

2300 and tryin to study...

2005-11-10T20:54:00.000-08:00

What is it about popcicles? I truly believe I could live off of them. I only have two left and I may have to run to Wal-Mart just to make it through the night..... Donnie and I are "on a break" whatever that means. He's at work right now and I'm trying to study for this damn Hstory test I have tomorrow but all I can think about is this birthday crap coming up and my sister going into labor and my grades lately and missing work and missing friends and being confused as hell about my "love life" I guess you could call it...ugh. I need another popcicle.

That stuff that Meagan told is really kind of bothering me. I had no idea I was dating such a creep and I just keep wondering...is all of that true? I thought he was a really good guy dep down....I know it doesn't matter b/c it's not like I still want to be with him b/c I can honestly say I don't but it still makes me want to know if I was dating an asshole that sneaks into apartments and climbs in bed with girls who don't want them there. Cause come on-that's scary!

It feels like it has been a lifetime since I last posted or really spent time on my computer. I log on to (what's the difference between "on to" and "onto" ?)facebook about every other day for about 3 minutes but that isn't quality time spent with my recently paid off laptop. And a girl needs that time!

Well, it's back to studying. Then I need to call Amber and Casey about Thursday night. Oh yeah...and the Horseshoe.

Goodnight, and I miss you Cody!

On and On

2005-11-06T16:41:00.000-08:00

My last post was about me and Donnie breaking up...well we are together still. I wrote that and then haven't had time to update it.
I went to Longview on Friday with Casey. We just went to the mall and then to Olive Garden. When we got back into town we went to the hospital to take Donnie some pizza and visit the Stephanies. Surprisingly, Amber called and said she didn't have to work on Saturday so I packed up and headed to Arkadelphia for the night. It was a lot of fun...except for when Tara and Amber both called Adam and Amber asked him if he wanted to talk to me...wish she hadn't have done that. No telling what he thinks. Then Meagan showed up and I was talking to her and she was telling me about how the day me and Adam broke up the first time, Adam went to the cave..let himself in and climbed into her bed. She said nothing happened.....but who knows. Then the next day begged her to come to his apartment and when she went to explain to him one more time that she wasn't interested, he still kept trying crap with her. That's so shitty of him...him and Aaron are friends and that was when her and Aaron had just split too. Poor Aaron. But that's only if Meagan is telling the truth. So it was an interesting weekend. Got to hangout with Amber and Candace so that was cool. I was wanting to see Jennie but I didn't get to. I hope her and Jim can either work on things or end things, b/c she doesn't seem happy. At all.

I thought I would feel better.....

2005-10-31T21:32:00.000-08:00

I just broke up with Donnie and I feel like total shit. He is so upset and knowing that I caused it is the worst feeling in the world. And he kept asking "what if you are wrong" about this. And I don't have an answer. What if I am wrong? What then? I know he will easily find someone else, he is a great guy. But he is mad at me and I can't handle being the cause of someone's sadness....unless they deserve it...and he doesn't. There was just something missing and I couldn't keep wondering if I would be happier away from it. I might be wrong but at least then I will know. There are just so many things we don't connect on and it isn' fair to either of us to stay together without first finding out if it's what we both really want. I'm terrified of moving to Missouri and getting engaged and then all of a sudden realizing it isn't right and backing out. I would rather find out now then wait. It's not what I want. I'm sorry.

Baths are awesome...especially when you have great friends!

2005-10-31T08:49:00.000-08:00

I went to mom's all this weekend so I'm going to talk about Thursday and maybe go from there. I went into work Thursday night on two hours of sleep both all day and the night before. I wasn't feeling good (now i's strep throat) I had the worst headache but still I went. I walk in and lazy ass secretary had done NOTHING. There was an admit laying there waiting on me, charts weren't done. EKG's weren't done, door tags weren't done, the station was a mess and the shredder boxed were spilling over. So I started doing my stuff and the call light was going off a ton while she stood her ass in the hall talking and laaughing. So I left. I said. I'm sick. And got on the elevator and went the hell home. It was great. I have until tomorrow night to decide if i'm going back and I can already tell you that I'm not. No way! I'm sick of them. I may try to find another job. We will see. Mabe a M-F job or something. Or perhaps even something else at the hospital but it won't be on 5 Ornelas and it won't be under Sandy.

I will write more later.

Rant and...well, just rant.

2005-10-23T23:24:00.000-07:00

I'm at work and I'm getting my thoughts together because in the morning I am going into my boss' office and letting her know a few things that have pissed me off to the point where I could walk out of here tonight and never come back. This post serves no other point really than as just an oppurtunity for me to get my thoughts together in preparation...

* When I come in at 10:45 at night, I clock in, print out my EKG strips and start answering the call light and cleaning up the station as much as possible. Sometimes I will be out in the hall but I will always be answering the call light the way I am supposed to. However, the evening secretary is here until 11:15 pm....doing jack shit if I am here. And that's okay. As soon as I step foot on the floor it becomes solely my responsibility to put in Dr. Orders, answer the call light, the phone and anything else that a secretary should be doing while the night sec. sits around talking or goes into the lounge to hang out until time for her to clock out...in which she is typcally here until 11:30 or 11:45 b/c hey. why not? She's getting paid to have a good time. Who wouldn't love that.
* When the day secretary comes in (supposed to be at 6:45am but isn't until around 7:00-7:10) She clocks in, runs her strips and goes into the hall to talk and it wouldn't matter if I was bleeding the from the head while trying to answer 10 phone calls and do paperwork, if that call light is going off it will go off until I answer it. She isn't budging. And now we have a trainee....and for some odd reason she thinks she can do the same.
* I spend a good 15%-30% of my night doing the evening secretary's job. I do HER EKG strips everynight, I do HER door labels every night, I empty HER shred bins every night and I correct HER orders everynight. Only to have them talk shit to me to my boss' that I don't do my job. I DO MINE AND EVERYON ELSE'S. And everyone who knows me knows that I am NOT the type of person to say this but the longer I work here the more I see it as the truth. It's b/c I'm the only white secretary.
* A charge nurse (who hates me when I haven't done anything to her ...I've heard she is just like that.) told the day secretary "I told Meagan she needs to start stuffing the charts before 5:30am b/c that's when the nurses are trying to get their charts done" This pisses me off for three reasons. The charge nurse has NEVER said two words to me...much less that. My charts are ALWAYS done before 4:30 much less me just starting at 5:30. And three....the day secretary is very buddy buddy with my boss and tells her everything.
*I was told when I was hired they would work with my school schedule yet they do the opposite. I am the only night secretary so there is no reason for me to not have a set schedule...if I''m off that night they simply don't have a secretary. I get my schedule, they have screwed it up, I tell them the nights I can't work and ask to switch them for nights I can and they refuse to respond to me forcing me to call in those nights and then write me up for the amount of call-ins. Well....fix my freakin schedule!
*It took 2 weeks for me to get a response from anyone when I was needing to talk to them about my schedule. I left 7 notes total and made 4 phone calls total...yet nothing, like I'm not even here.

My point is that I am a good secretary, a damn good secretary, I not only do my job but I do Sylvia, Annie and Sara's jobs, plus I do more than what is actually in my job description in the first place. I will do anything I can to help any employee in this hospital. When PACU, 4Dawson and 5Dawson call me b/c they can't fix their printer or they are slammed with orders and need some help, I do everything I can to help them. I can guarantee there is no other secretary in this entire hospital that would do that and I'm sick of being the one shit on b/c I'm nice.
*There are nurses here that will bitch at ME b/c Sylvia didn't put in their orders before she left or b/c she put them in wrong or that she didn't fax them to pharmacy. Some just bitch whenever I call them to let them know about a patient that needs something (which is a huge part of my job...relaying whatever the patient needs to the proper person) Yet, never do they say anything to her for screwing up...just me. I'm sick of putting up with that shit....and I won't anymore. I refuse to work with Amy that stupid ass charge nurse that doesn't know anything about management. If she has a problem with the way I do things then let me know and I will change them....don't talk shit about me to my boss behind my back making me seem like a terrrible emplyee. My 6month eval. is coming up in December and I'm not letting some idiots determine my score just b/c they are too lazy to do their own jobs.

Okay...I think I'm done for now. I may add to this later. My part-time job should not be this stressful. Tomorrow...I am either walking out of that office knowing there will be changes around here or I will walk out cussing and never come back. It's up to them. There will certanly be no work getting done if I leave, that's for damn sure.

Life...

2005-10-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Is Perception. Our own perception of things completely determines who we are. Our thoughts determine our feelings. Which means....I change the way I think, the way I perceive, and I have changed my life. That process begins now...

0400 and I'm at work....

2005-10-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

I came in tonight with the intent of quitting...this place just pisses me off sometimes. But then when I get here everything is good. We have 14 open beds. That is just unheard of around here. Everyone is in the greatest mood, even the ones notorious for bad moods. God does have a way of backing things off when it just gets too tough. Never put you through anything you can't handle with His help. That's awesome. So... It's 4am and I'm at work. But that's okay. There are so many reasons keeping me here. I learn a lot more than I could sitting at home or listening to mom and Donnie talk about nursing issues, and most of all....I feel like such a puss not being able to handle a part time job and full time school, eventhough I just went parttime so I don't really feel it yet. It is stil kind of feeling like fulltime. I can't let myself down like that...by quitting. Same reason I went back to Henderson last spring. I can't let myself just runaway. I proved to myself I was strong enough to go back and face everything. So I'm strong enough to get through this semester....hopefully.
Back to work. Labs to chart.

No more school, no more work....Heaven

2005-10-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I hate Chemistry. Work sucks. My boss is a bitch. Classes are boring. Cody and Amber aren't here. There is no time.